Couples Counseling + Marriage Counseling

It sucks, but it is natural and to be expected.

When we enter into intimate relationships, we share our thoughts, emotions, and dreams. Our partner’s problems become our problems, and we give them our bodies in sex. This is vulnerability. We open internal doors that we open for few others. For most of us, the last time we were this open and vulnerable was in past relationships, or as a child in our parents’ care. Because of this, intimate relationships bring out parts of ourselves that have often not been touched since we were young and still learning how to connect.

The way we learned to be in relationship as infants greatly influences the way we show up in relationships as adults. Our style of relating—known as our attachment style—is programmed early, but, thankfully, can be reprogrammed at any time.

We now know that when we are triggered in a relationship, the part of our brain that registers threat is highly activated. We also know that this sense of threat is often related to past wounding that occurred in a relationship. Fortunately, this wound heals wonderfully in intimate relationships when the proper conditions are in place.